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12. Perspectives : Free Two Birds With One Key
In the middle of a conversation with my mentor, instead of using the phrase, “Kill two birds with one stone”, he said, “Then I’ll have the opportunity to free two birds with one key.” I loved the phrase and knew that I would find a way to use it. Furthermore, I had an conversation with a friend of mine recently where she proved me wrong. I never mind being wrong because it gives me an opportunity to learn something new. Thus, the purpose of this post is to elaborate on the beauty of being wrong.
Let me begin with a tale …
Weeks ago, I had a discussion with a friend of mine about a conflict she was dealing with. It is important to note, that very often people simply want you to listen. However, I did not take my own advice, written in the post 12. Best Breakup Ever : Love Listens, and quickly offered my perspective after she shared her problem. She later checked me (corrected me), informed me that she only wanted me to listen, and we chose to reset the scenario. Note : I am still sharpening certain skills; loving presence, active listening, and holding space. I inform those in my circle to tell me when they simply want me to listen. From there, I can prepare myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to give them the help they need at that moment.
I have cleared this with her, so I will share her story. A few days before we met, she went to the pharmacy and was charged twice after receiving only one of the items. When she shared her tale, she was debating whether or not if she should go back to the pharmacy to get a refund. At this stage, I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have sat there and just been a loving presence, held the space for her, not be moved by my ego, and listened actively. However, I was moved by my ego and mistakenly decided to share my perspective instead.
My perspective stems from time investment. Very often, I quickly let conflicts outside of my circle go because it requires an investment of time that I am unwilling to commit to. To resolve conflicts, I think about the situation from various perspectives. I settle into my perspective, allow my perspective to shift by placing myself in the shoes of the other party, and finally, I decide where a compromise can be made. It’s quite tedious. Outside of my circle, I can only engage in a conflict if it benefits me financially. Thus, whenever I don’t have to address a conflict, I don’t :
“The Tao does nothing but leaves nothing undone.”
In her particular situation, I advised her – without her asking for it – that chasing the refund was not worth it. I told her that it wasn’t worth walking back to the pharmacy, haggling with the clerk, and possibly becoming frustrated if she does not offer you a refund …
– She really just wanted me to listen. I should have just listened.
A couple of days later, she sent me a text message. With her permission, I have pasted it below. My words are in the green box :
I truly believe that one of my greatest strengths is my willingness to have my perspective shifted. I am not afraid of being wrong, thus, I am not afraid of sharing my perspective. If I am wrong, then I have an opportunity to learn. If I am right, then I am able to help others. Thus, I enter discussions with an open mind. I am able to speak confidently and listen humbly. From my perspective, being wrong is an enlightening experience. One where I can free two birds with one key. I have an opportunity to check my ego and also open my mind.
I won’t belabour the point. I’ll simply end by saying this. Within every experience a lesson is hidden. In my book, “Best Breakup Ever”, I wrote how a heartbreak is an opportunity to have your heart break open to love more fearlessly, vulnerably, and wisely. In this post, I simply want to show how shifting your perspective to perceiving being wrong as a learning opportunity is much more beneficial. Yet, at the end of the day, I fully understand that I am must do this without pressure, and that this is a subjective experience one must have in order to come to terms with it. So, I share only a perspective.
I do nothing else …
“The Tao does nothing but leaves nothing undone …”
“You can’t have an ego in training. You can’t have a doubt in the fight”.
– John Kavanagh
Speak Confidently, Listen Humbly
I don’t know everything
I can only speak confidently
About my experience.
But I’m open to listening
And I will listen humbly.
But you have to bring
Something to the table.
Bring food for thought
For me to digest.
Don’t just dish out
Contradictions
Based only on emotion.
Don’t just serve statistics
Without a story.
I prefer a balanced diet
Subjectivity and objectivity
Generalizations and
Personal experiences
We must have a
Healthy discussion
There won’t be a
Food fight at the table
We’ll be direct, straightforward
It’s rude to play
With your food
Bring something
To the table
There’s nothing better than
A potluck
Food from everywhere
Discussions filled with
A plethora of ideas
Causing us to leave
The table full
Of understanding
– K.S. Fort
From, “The Civilized Nigger”
humanityinpoetry 